How Did We Begin?

Funerals are important, they have always been important. We want people to know that a funeral can be whatever you want it to be; it can be dignified and authentic no matter what it is or where it is. It is important for people to have the space to gather, to mourn together and support each other in grief, but it does not need to cost the earth.

We believe that people are capable and resilient and with transparent conversation and the right support, family and community can do what they feel they need to… because grief is always more gentle when the last thing you do for your person is an act of service.

It started with a conversation

In 2016, in response to this, we put together a group of like-minded family and friends to start a community conversation online and in person with aims of:

• Demystifying the taboos surrounding death to encourage increased transparency within the industry and the greater community
• Educating people about their rights and choices
• Providing a hub of conversation, connection and information
• Advocating for change in how death is thought about and handled
• Promoting natural, sustainable options of death care and management

Building Solace

In 2017 Bec became an end of life doula to serve the dying (and those making preparations) in her community. In 2018 they rolled all these things together and have been offering a family led and community based funeral service ever since.

We believe that it is through honest conversation, education and advocacy that people can be well positioned to make informed decisions when it comes to dying and death. We are committed to creating a space in the community for conversation and education to challenge the taboos and misconceptions around death and dying.

Our vision

And so, we started with a desire to encourage people to make good, informed choices that are right for them. The honest truth is, that for the most part, you don't actually need a funeral director for the ceremony. If you want one, that's great - we want that to be an intentional and informed choice for people, a choice that they make from a place of empowerment - not because they don't know any other way.

Why this work matters

We need to do dying and death well in this country.

We have never had more people on the planet than we have at the moment and the number of people predicted to die in the next 25 years far outstrips our current capacity to properly care for them.

Empowering the Dying

Everyone dies. We all will reach the end of our lives one way or another. How we arrive at that death and what our dying 'looks' like are things that we can have input into. Through careful conversation and planning we can not only leave relevant and detailed instructions about our medical circumstances but also about the social and emotional circumstances as well.

You may be content to leave every decision to those you love and trust but on the other hand, you may wish to make your wishes known about things such as:

• The surroundings and atmosphere of the space like music, people, light, colours, scents etc.
• Who we want around us
• Who we would like to be speaking for us
• Where we would like to be
• How we want to be treated both before and after death
• Who will tell our story
• What gifts to make to loved ones

End of life and funeral planning can be a part of all these conversations. And, not all these decisions are legal ones - although there are very important and relevant legal aspects to the planning process, but sometimes it's just about how you want it to be, to feel, and what memories you want to leave behind for people as a legacy, memories.

It has been astounding to us, the number of people who are uncomfortable with the idea of death and dying, let alone being able to talk about it openly. Often the first conversations people are having about death is after the event, when they walk into a funeral home and say, "I don't know what to do".

Informing those Left Behind

There are social, emotional and financial implications surrounding the decisions made about death care and often they are not made as truly informed choices. Increasingly, the opportunity to honour the dead is put out of reach for people due to the increasing costs associated with 'traditional' funerals. We are keen to shed light on more natural and cost-effective ways of making the process of honouring a person's death more accessible and achievable for everyone.

People need to reclaim some of the control over our dead that has been surrendered in the last 150 years.

And…

We need to do funerals and ceremonies better than we are.

We advocate for doing things in a way that puts people first. Prior to the turn of the century members of the community held the knowledge of death care and families regularly cared for their people in the home. Today, this isn’t always possible, or even desirable for some, but approaching funerals with a family and community focus always is. This means everything will be co created and family led.

Our journey as a family and as a community through grief and bereavement will only ever be made gentler by allowing ourselves the control and choice over how we deal with and spend time with our dead.

A Return to Community Care

Only a few generations ago, dying and death used to be a natural part of life, a community event involving family, friends and neighbours who would grieve and remember together. It was common for the dead to stay in the family home and for the families, their friends and communities to be an integral part of the death care process. Death was an accepted part of life.

What we have seen for many years now is people being encouraged to hand over the body of a deceased loved one to strangers. Through doing so, there has been a loss of community knowledge regarding the care of our dead.

Informed Choices Matter

Death has always begun a person’s final last rite of passage. No matter the beliefs or moral conviction of a person, the event of someone dying is the last time that person is formally honoured in our society.

What if people planning a funeral were able to make truly informed choices?

Would it make a difference?

We think it would.

That is why we want to talk about dying and death.

That is why we want to support families in their preplanning and in creating ceremonies that are beautiful, affordable, dignified and unique. When people know their rights, options and possible choices they feel confident and capable of making informed decisions when they deal with death care professionals. These decisions are then based on real and transparent knowledge of the death care industry and systems. And that matters.

For a long time much of this knowledge has been shrouded in a sense of mystery. There are some wonderful funeral directors out there who will go above and beyond to help a family they are looking after - it is a humbling thing to be invited into a family at a vulnerable time after all, and many of the good directors feel the weight of this space.

It is equally true that some in the funeral industry have perpetuated the mystery and taboo around death by orchestrating their services in such a way that many of the decisions and much of the power is taken away from families. These families are often none the wiser; they are made to feel that it is easier to go the standard route or that is their only choice.

This is often where the problem lies; with the companies and the management and systems they have built around them. That is where the feeling of ‘cookie cutter’ approaches come from when expensive things are pushed that give very little return or benefit for the grief and healing journeys of loved ones.

By paring things back and recentering family and community at the heart of the journey, we want to empower, support and facilitate people to do what feels right to them, every time.